The Banished Children of B. Buono Voters

In the U.S. heartland–the ‘un-archipelago’–dictators punish the non-compliant real and imagined not by clogging access to bridges/tunnels but by raising parking fees. When I taught at St. Looie U for instance we had a burlesque-quality tyrant for a Jesuit president, who doubled or tripled faculty-parking rates whenever the help got uppity (and always in the summer when nobody was around).

Larry B. was finally retired, but as a Hoboken longshoreman once said to another (movie) Jesuit: ‘the waterfront’s tougher, Father, like it ain’t part of America.”

That may well serve as Chris Christie’s epitaph/backhand tribute. I’ll go down swinging for the case he’s a political genius, but 19 days living on this other coast is ample reminder my own understanding of things is a bit, say, Jersey-centric. Christie is unrivaled at machinations within the 21 counties; when he dreams of playing in Peoria, bad karma eventually ensues, as per his asinine plugging of the Hudson rail tunnel in 2010 that was aimed solely at impressing the rest of America.

By far the two greatest lines to come out of this latest caper are ‘time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee’ and ‘they’re children of Buono voters” (poor bus-stranded Fort Lee first-day-of school kids) That’s how we’re raised to think in the Garden State, and just when you hope that era must one day end, along comes Immaculate Heart Academy Hall O’ Famer and vice-Christie Chief of Staff Ms. Bridget Anne Kelly to affirm some traditions never die.

Ms. Kelly she may be only 41 (and seriously, why do these dames so often marry and un-marry Jersey golf professionals?) but speaks with the wisdom of the ages.

I Said it in 2010, 2011 and say it again: Christie plugged that rail tunnel–consigning his subjects to a virtually permanent 4th world rail transit system–because he looked into the future and reckoned NJ Transit riders–and everybody that looked like ’em–were arugula munching Barbara Buono voters anyway so fuggem all…real Tea Partiers of all genders don’t ride trains figured he; not that Chris actually knew too many of those folks he was counting on to make him Prez.


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